Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
