my phone needs a breathalizer
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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