"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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