wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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