I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
