just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
