i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
