Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
