How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
