my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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