Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
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She just used a chaser for red wine.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
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listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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