I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
