It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He passed out mid-signature
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
