wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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