If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.