I'm so fucking centered right now
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
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I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
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I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack