Texts From Last Night

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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out

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  (304): tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out http://tfl.nu/97pi
  Replies (9) Good night (1193) Bad night (5498)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.

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  (570): Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today. http://tfl.nu/c736
  Replies (5) Good night (1016) Bad night (3226)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.

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  (812): Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them. http://tfl.nu/jsyg
  Replies (4) Good night (1352) Bad night (729)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.

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  (937): Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/uerp
  Replies (7) Good night (1361) Bad night (613)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night

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  (412): I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night http://tfl.nu/c70m
  Replies (30) Good night (2408) Bad night (1287)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.

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  (717): i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me. http://tfl.nu/i878
  Replies (7) Good night (1270) Bad night (704)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it

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  (214): I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it http://tfl.nu/key8
  Replies (11) Good night (678) Bad night (1170)
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  (518): View more from New York

  It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.

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  (518): It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear. http://tfl.nu/ktyi
  Replies (20) Good night (796) Bad night (1752)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?

  (406): View more from Montana

  Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.

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  (239): Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ? (406): Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time. http://tfl.nu/y05k
  Replies (6) Good night (1405) Bad night (369)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."

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  (417): Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS." http://tfl.nu/riik
  Replies (0) Good night (536) Bad night (320)
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!

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  (551): I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?! http://tfl.nu/sdve
  Replies (5) Good night (794) Bad night (216)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.

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  (618): At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into. http://tfl.nu/mmy8
  Replies (2) Good night (458) Bad night (218)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"

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  (701): I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever" http://tfl.nu/o3s0
  Replies (2) Good night (539) Bad night (243)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea

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  (402): I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea http://tfl.nu/68eq
  Replies (2) Good night (411) Bad night (298)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.

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  (978): I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk. http://tfl.nu/nl8z
  Replies (2) Good night (293) Bad night (545)

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