Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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