I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?