you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.