You really coming over, don't trick.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag