I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
