tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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