just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize