I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
