omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
