If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
