the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
