I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
