dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
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Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He did a backflip because drugs
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