I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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