There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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