so explain again why im purple
no
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
