remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
