Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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