Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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