I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
