So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i will never coherently bang her
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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