Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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