My room smells like vodka and shame
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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