I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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