p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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