glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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