i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
