broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I still have a little drunk in my system
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
