i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
