I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
