just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You made out with two different species that night
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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