Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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