So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
