She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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