Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
