marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
