how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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