I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
