One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
