She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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