My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
