ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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