He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
