the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
