some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
