after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?