I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS