At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.