Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Barsexuality is the new black.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.