Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors