And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....