Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
