i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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