I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
