is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
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You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
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She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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