paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
