you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think I sprained my soul last night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
