Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
