if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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