im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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