hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
