She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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