once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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