And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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