So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
