You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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