i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
