I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
