we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
