He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
