I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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