I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
