I just saw a hot homeless man
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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