The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
this just has baby written all over it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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