I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My bed smells like the plague
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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