When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
