Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
